


The Last Song (or michael bolton is so godawful) (or one time dave strider accidentally said what he meant) (ironically)

by Cephied_Variable



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Pesterlog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-29
Updated: 2011-03-29
Packaged: 2017-10-17 08:51:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/175083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cephied_Variable/pseuds/Cephied_Variable
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This isn't a love confession. This is the most insincerely sincerely insincere thing Dave Strider has ever done.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Last Song (or michael bolton is so godawful) (or one time dave strider accidentally said what he meant) (ironically)

**Author's Note:**

> Originally [written](http://community.livejournal.com/homestuck1000/1653.html?thread=2933#t2933) for [homestuck1000](http://community.livejournal.com/homestuck1000).

  
turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]  
  


 

TG: tz i cant top this comic bullshit  
TG: i give up you are the queen of the shitty comic  
TG: and the queen of my heart  
GC: MY, MY D4V3. WH4T’S TH1S 4LL OF 4 SUDD3N?  
TG: oh just trying out lyrics for the song im writing you  
GC: YOU’R3 WR1T1NG M3 4 SONG?  
GC: WH4T BROUGHT TH1S ON? >:O  
TG: oh you know just to thank you for everything youve done for me  
TG: the boonbucks the fun times the soul crushing moral decisions with no ultimate purpose  
GC: >:[  
TG: be flattered this is an ancient coolkid mating practice  
TG: preferred method is in a sunlit bedroom with a guitar bout six in the evening  
TG: or maybe in a cafe and id point to you before i started playing and be all like  
TG: this is for you baby you know what im talkin about  
GC: D4V3 4S MUCH 4S 1 4PPR3C14T3 TH1S FL4TT3R1NG 34RTH G3STUR3, DON’T W3 H4V3 MOR3 1MPOT4NT TH1NGS TO B3 DO1NG?  
TG: bs terezi  
TG: bs  
TG: you are sittin there shaking in anticipation  
TG: you cant wait to see what sort of ill rhymes im busting into the er with third degree burns  
GC: YOU KNOW M3 SO W3LL!!  
GC: GOTT4 4T L34ST TRY TO B3 PROF3SS1ON4L, COOLK1D. >;]  
TG: a professional heartbreaker is what you are  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3  
GC: 4CTU4LLY 4 H34TBR34K3R 1S 4 SUB-PROF3SSION OF TORT3CHTON1C- 1 4LW4YS W4NT3D TO B3 4 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR.  
TG: dammnit tz i worked so hard coming up with these godawful lines  
TG: dont ruin this for me  
GC: >;]  
GC: 4LSO 4LT3RN14 1S RUL3D BY 4N 3MPR3SS, NOT 4 QU33N.  
GC: 4ND 1T’S 4 L1TTL3 UNR34L1ST1C FOR SOM3ON3 W1TH MY H3MO-COLOUR TO B3 3MPR3SS.  
TG: wow on a scale of 1 to who gives a fuck i basically care into the intergers  
GC: JUST TRY1NG TO M4K3 YOU WORK 4 L1TTL3 H3R3, D4V3. TRU3 CR34T1V1TY 1S ONLY 3NH4NC3D BY R3ST1CT1ONS!  
TG: that another one of your seer of mind things  
GC: NO, TH4T’S JUST TH3 TRUTH. >;]  
GC: B3S1D3S 1 THOUGHT YOU’D H4D 3NOUGH OF MY “M4G1C4L MYST3RY MURD3R M1ND G4M3S”, SO FOR NOW 1’M HOLD1NG MYS3LF B4CK.  
TG: oh uh  
TG: i shouldnt have phrased it that way  
GC: 1S TH4T R3GR3T 1 SM3LL?  
TG: no not really i mean  
TG: thats some pretty sweet alliteration there  
GC: S4Y 1T F1V3 T1M3S F4ST! H3H3H3H3H3H3  
TG: let me guess  
TG: in troll tongue twisters if you say it wrong your tongue gets cut out  
GC: CLOS3! 1T’S ON3 OF TH3 W4YS W3 D3T3RM1N3 1F 4 W1TN3SS 1S LY1NG 1N COURT!  
GC: COM3 ON, D4V3. TRY 1T OUT. L3T’S S33 1F YOU 4R3 T3LL1NG TH3 TRUTH 3H3H3H3H3H. >:]  
TG: shit  
TG: you are seriously the creepiest girl  
GC: L3SS ST4LL1NG MOR3 SONG1NG!  
TG: yeah fine if were done with the troll murder planet history lesson  
GC: 4BSOLUT3LY! YOU’R3 R1GHT, 1 4M SH4K1NG. TH3 HONOUR OF B31NG TH3 SUBJ3CT OF 4 COOLK1D’S POORLY B3H4V3D R4P 1S JUST TOO MUCH.  
TG: no no you arent getting it  
TG: this is so important  
TG: see i am a smooth wordsmith you see  
TG: i cant rap ironically because my skill just gets in the way and blinds everyone like ive got rhinestones in my teeth spelling out the words tublar rhymes and theyre beaming a supernova my direction  
TG: terezi pyrope i wrote you a song  
TG: its a completely different situation  
TG: here  
TG: <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FUbSx9AUHM0>  
GC: >:O  
TG: well obviously im not going to actually sing it to you  
TG: listen to this impeccable artifact of earth culture and just use your imagination  
GC: C4N YOU B3 W34R1NG R3D 1N MY 1M4G1N4T1ON?  
TG: knock yourself out  
GC: Y3333S!  
TG: so uh  
TG: ode to creepy alien girl by dave strider  
TG: you are the chumhandle who tried to flame  
TG: creepy teeth that glint through wind and rain  
TG: predatory gaze on this heart of mine  
TG: for you i’ll pickle it in brine  
GC: R34LLY?  
TG: no thats just the lyrics  
TG: thats how these songs go you promise all kinds of shit you cant deliver on  
GC: >:[ 1’D T4K3 SUCH GOOD C4R3 OF TH4T P1CKL3D H34RT, D4V3.  
TG: well okay  
TG: if i die you can have it  
TG: brb writing my will  
TG: item 1 terezi wants my heart  
GC: SHHH. K33P GO1NG.  
TG: you came to me like a car crash site  
TG: just shitting out your terrible art  
TG: out of my chat and into my life  
TG: you are the one you are the one  
GC: D4V3 TH4T DO3SN’T 3V3N RHYM3.  
TG: on earth songs don’t rhyme tz its against the law  
GC: BUT 4LL TH3 OTH3R L1N3S RHYM3D. >:?  
TG: shhh shhh  
TG: i said you creeped me out but i lied  
TG: cause unnerveds more than what i feel inside  
TG: i dissed your art but i was wrong  
TG: my art suck could never ever be so strong  
TG: i said something else there too but i lied  
GC: H4  
TG: with all my soul ive tried in vain  
TG: how can mere words my heart explain  
TG: this taste of heaven so deep so true  
TG: ive found in you  
TG: r art  
TG: your art  
TG: sorry i just cped that verse verbatim  
GC: D4V3.  
TG: so many reasons and so many ways my life has just begun  
TG: seriously  
TG: this song is so shitty my attempts to make it shittier have just had an inverse effect  
GC: D4V3.  
TG: i hope you appreciate all this effort i went through here five whole minutes to rewrite those verses  
GC: M4YB3 1 WOULD 4PPR3C14T3 1T MOR3 1F 1 UND3RSTOOD WH4T YOU W3R3 TRY1NG TO SAY. >:/  
TG: whatever happened to  
TG: i know you better than you know yourself  
GC: H3H3H3. F1NE. 1 JUST W4NT TO H34R YOU S4Y 1T.  
TG: shit  
TG: just  
TG: look i don’t know ok  
TG: smashing universes together fighting demons with stupid names endless timeloops through the rift  
TG: one of us might not exist tomorrow rez  
TG: we might not remember each other tomorrow  
TG: what the fuck do even you say  
TG: jegus  
TG: this was a bad idea  
GC: 1 KNOW WH4T TO S4Y.  
GC: TH4NK YOU.  
TG: uh yeah thats not really  
GC: NO 1 M34N TH4NK YOU.  
GC: 1’M GL4D 1 KN3W YOU, D4V3. 3V3N 1F YOU N3V3R L3T M3 G3T 4 GOOD WH1FF OF YOUR B34UT1FUL 3Y3S. >;]  
TG: i  
GC: ?  
TG: i  
GC: ...  
TG: shit if we live through this i will  
GC: >:O  
TG: fuck tz you can scoop one of those babies out and eat it on rice  
GC: DON’T PROM1S3 SH1T YOU C4N’T D3L1V3R, STR1D3R. >:]  
TG: no no i mean this go wild  
GC: W3LL TH3N YOU’D B3TT3R L1V3 THROUGH TH1S B3C4US3 1’M GONN4 HOLD YOU TO TH4T!! DON’T JUST M4K3 4 PROM1S3 4ND TH3N D13!  
TG: damn you saw through my plan  
GC: 1T S33MS L1K3 SOM3TH1NG YOU’D DO. >:/  
GC: OH, 1T’S ST4RT3D ON MY 3ND.  
GC: S33 YOU SOON!  
GC: ...  
GC: ... <3

  
gallowsCalibrator [GC] is no longer trolling turntechGodhead [TG]  
  


 

TG: fuck  
TG: <3


End file.
